In the last couple of posts we talked about changing your attitudes on the initial entering of the home front, on both sides of the equation, for each spouse.
To sum up, daddy comes home, takes 5 minutes and breathes, sets gratitude, and releases the stress of the workday before he opens that door. And mommy decides not to blast him by vomiting up all the day’s frustrations in his face upon crossing the threshold.
This of course can be vice versa, mommy comes home, or any combination of partners. The concept is still valid, but particularly in the mommy/daddy scenario that I outline.
Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay
At the end of a stressful day, there is a constructive and therapeutic way to release the stresses, without damaging the relationship in the process.
John Gray outlined the concept in his classic relationship book, “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.” It is called “Couch Time.”
It works best because of the basic ways in which men and women process emotion differently.
And it can save your marriage.
I speak from first hand knowledge on this one, as my wife and I have done this for years. And it has helped us immensely.
Here’s how it works.
You and your spouse agree on a predetermined time to have a release of the day's stresses. Meaning, you sit down and talk them out.
This does not have to be a big production, just a simple 15-30 minutes together alone. You can even grab a glass of wine and relax into it.
The main point is, pick a time and SETCHO ASSDOWN on the couch!
Having an agreed upon meeting time allows you an opening to connect and share feelings, discuss plans, visualize the future together, even give light criticisms (constructive only please), and do it in a SAFE space.
If there is no agreed upon structure, you are leaving the release open to chance and the whims of the emotions, which is a dangerous precedent, as emotions tend to pop up at the worst frickin times and just screw up what could have been a lovely evening of growth.
You both agree to leave blame and anger off the couch. It is the SAFE zone. This is where you get to be HEARD.
Agree NOT to blast each other with all the crap that was piled on you from the day until this time on the couch. And even then, NO BLASTING! Just discussion.
We’ll go a little deeper into just how to implement this in the next post, but for now, pick a time that works for the two of you to just sit and be together for a little bit.
Even with just this little tweak, you will already see and feel an improvement in your connection. I mean, look, you are already working more like a TEAM.
Good stuff indeed.
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