My last post talked about re-adjusting your attitude upon arrival at your home - taking 5 minutes to get into “gratitude mode” and release the stress of the day, so that you can come home with a positive energy that your family will welcome.
But what about the other side of the door?
The one that has stayed home all day dealing with kids, house work, chores, building their own business maybe (which has all the stress of being out in the hustle too), has a responsibility in this relationship too.
I am calling this the Mommy Vomit Comet for a specific reason. Though this can go for any relationship situation, the phenomenon of the verbal release is more specific to the stay at home mom situation. I will go deeper into why that is in later posts.
And of course, I do loves me some alliteration…
Super Moms have a very specific situation at home and there is a ton of stress that can build up throughout the day.
If you have kids, then you know that a toddler screaming “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Endlessly throughout the day is most definitely enough to make one go just a little bit wacky from time to time.
Add onto that the numerous other things that must get accomplished and that stress compounds exponentially.
And if there is no support until the spouse gets home, then a pressure cooker has been working all day and as soon as there is an opening for a release valve, it is ON!
This is completely understandable and normal. It is also terribly stressful on a relationship.
What happens if a pressure cooker is not released properly?
BOOM!
Everyone in close proximity to that pressure cooker is going to get injured severely.
And if this happens every day, those injuries are going to get worse and worse.
Now just imagine what the spouse is expecting upon their return home. Once this explosion happens a few times, and he/she gets hurt, they are going to find ways to avoid the kaboomski.
The kaboomski I speak of is the vomiting up of the day's problems that immediately greet him upon his arrival at his home, which is supposed to be a place of peace and refuge.
Over time, instead of feeling joy and relief at coming home, he will feel dread and trepidation, even loathing.
In addition, he might feel a fair bit of shame and sadness, as many of these problems, may be his fault, or he may at least feel as if they are.
He wants to provide for his family, and is doing his best every day, but is still feeling as if he is failing.
If he knows a comet is heading straight for his cranium, he is not going to want to meet it head on. And this is when the switches fire.
There is a shut down, a fight, an avoidance, a pressing down of emotion, a rising anger at the spouse, or any other of dozens of negative outcomes.
All of which can be avoided.
Here’s the trick. Super Moms, this is your time to really shine! You exercise a little self control and do what your loving Hubs is now doing before he comes home, and TAKE A BREATH!
I know you want to expel all that bubbling tension from the day ASAFP! But can it wait 20 minutes, if it will help save your marriage and strengthen your relationship?
Have a specified time for you both to sit down quietly, so you can release the valve, and not overwhelm him as soon as he sets foot in the house.
We’ll talk more about the full technique in later posts. But for now, take away the dread of coming home to a verbal vomit comet that would make dinosaurs run for the hills.
Just open up that little space, and you will see the energy shift. Think of how you would like to come home. Do you want someone spewing at you, or open arms of the one you love?
Next step - COUCH TIME!
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