Man, I suck.
There, I said it.
Fiiiinally, I can get it off my chest.
Now, can I just move on?
Well, yes, of course I can, but WILL I?
Will I allow myself the grace to know that I am only human, and make mistakes- sometimes in business, sometimes in love, and sometimes in life?
I am really good at living in the past, beating myself up about my perceived failures, and carrying all that baggage with me into my next project.
The older I get, the heavier that baggage seems.
When I say that I suck, it is not a general overall sucking at everything, of course. I mean nobody sucks at everything at all times. We all suck at something at some time.
Then we get better.
That’s how it works. We didn’t pop out of mommy walkin talkin and doing calculus. And what the hell is calculus anyway?
We all had to start at point zero. Knowing nothing.
We took our first steps into the unknown, and kept going. We stumbled and got back up.
Now we can run, skip, hop, jump, and drive.
I don’t get mired in thinking about all the times I fell down as a kid and skinned my knees though. And that really frickin hurt!
If I did focus only on the pain, then how far would I get?
Not far, I imagine. I would still be sitting on the ground crying, waiting for mommy to kiss my boo-boo.
Sometimes I miss my mommy, and that magical smooch that takes away all the pain, allows us to get back up, and tackle that shiny metal slide at the park, heated up to the scalding surface of the sun, with only our teeny tiny shorts as a heat shield.
I can still feel the re-entry burn of every summer slide.
And it was wonderful.
Even if I got hurt, even if I went down the slide face first a few times, even if that squeaky squeally sound of thigh flesh on hot slide at high speeds freaked me out a little…
I still did it. Over and over again. Laughing all the way.
Where is that goofy kid when I need ‘em?
What If I could do what we tell our son to do when he hurts himself now, and kiss our own boo-boos that magically heal right away?
What if I, as a grown up, in charge of my own life - the good, the bad, and the oh so ugly - could take a second and just kiss it all away?
What if I could instantly release myself from all the guilt, shame, regret, and rage at all the times life didn’t go my way?
My mommy has not been here for a very long time. So that little power can come in handy.
Sure, I may bump my head against a wall a few times. I can always kiss my hand, put it to my head, and say “All better.” And get back to playing.
I guess, as a grown ass man now (which some people I know may hotly debate), I have the same ability, just in different terms.
That little kiss of magical relief, I can now call it “Forgiveness.”
And boy I could use a lot of those right now.
Because I am my own worst critic.
Every time I skin my knee - make a mistake, lose a sale, anger my wife, botch a project, burn the rice, accidentally rob a bank in the Netherlands…
Sometimes I have to remind myself that I have the power to forgive… myself.
To LEARN and GROW from it all.
I am a work in progress.
I have to get off my own back. Unpack that baggage. Move forward. Laughing all the way.
I invite you to do the same.
Allow yourself some grace, kiss that boo-boo, and hit the slide.
Just. One. More. Time.
Because the next one might be the very best slide of all.
If you would like help unpacking all that baggage and getting back out on the playground, I got yer back.
I invite you to have a quick conversation with me, and let’s see what you can get clear on, get cleared up, and move forward.
Laughing all the way.
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