Now that we have learned that this now contractually obligating reality show thing is moving forward full force, and there is a probability that my wife will be filmed giving birth, let’s just say I am trepidatious at best.
In my mind, all I am thinking is that, in the middle of what should be the most painful, albeit beautiful, moments in my wife’s life, there will be lights, a boom mic, and several camera men filming every inch of her naked bits, while grimacing, pushing, and screaming reasons why she should kill me for doing this to her.
And all of it will be recorded for posterity forever and ever amen.
But Kim said “Sure! Let’s do it.” So, I had to assume she was prepared and just fine with all of the above.
Now that we have that settled, it’s time to turn our attention to what is now at hand. There’s a story to tell!
But what actually IS the story?
Do we just kinda walk around and watch Kim shop for baby stuff?
Film me walking around, saying thanks like, “Yep, I’m a gonna be a poppa!”
I mean, watching people “Nest” doesn’t seem like riveting television to me.
Well, the production team had an angle. My back.
I had my spine fused back in 2004. I had already had ongoing back pain daily for over 20 years. It was just a part of me. Not a favorite part.
But I never really thought of it as a plot point.
In the coming months it would emerge that a big focus would be on the “drama” of whether or not I would even be able to pick up my son, or change a diaper.
Would this 48 year old man, about to become a father for the first time, ever be able to have father/son time? Or would the little one grow up wheeling his doddering old father on the edge of senility by his early 60s around while the old guy points out random things and says “I hate mutton!” for no particular reason.
What a dilemma indeed.
It seemed the angle of my age and ability was quite a focal point.
I was and am still in pretty good shape. I am nowhere near where I was when I first arrived in Los Angeles at 145 pounds and fairly ripped, with the ability to run up Runyon Canyon, bottom to top and back down again.
I looked and felt pretty damn good then. Now, 11 years later, up around 160, and not in as good of shape, yeah, my age and ability are actually a bit of a concern.
Babies require a LOT of energy. The sleep deprivation alone, can make ya batty. But we’re not there yet. That is a later lesson.
For now, we are in prep mode. And prep we shall.
Physically, its time to get Daddy in tip top Daddy-Shape!
What do we need? (Cue Team America) We need a montaaaaage!
The next few filming days require some activity on my part. They want to see me making the effort to be ready to grab that baby from the snap and run downfield at top speed into the end zone and spike that baby! Okay, no spiking….
In order to get physical, we need to have some sports that I do, maybe some gym time, weights and what not.
In my apartment building, there is a “gym” room, that I would visit from time to time. So, let’s go there and film me doing some jump rope maybe. Which I actually used to do a lot.
And let’s catch me over in Burbank hitting tennis balls against the wall, which I love to do actually. I used to play USTA as a kid in Oklahoma. I was ranked 11th in the state when I was 13 or so. Then went on to play #1 in high school for a couple years in Houston. Then, oblivion.
30 years later, I had picked up the racquet again. I LOVED it. But I wasn’t great, by any means. however; they got it on film. Don’t think they actually used it though. I may have actually looked too “in shape” for the story line.
Another thing I did when I first got out to LA was yoga. I love yoga. I reeeeally need to do it more. And boy, did I really need to do it during the filming. And we did.
We popped over to Kim’s folks house in Burbank, threw down some mats in the back yard, and started filming. Kim was “training” me in yoga for the scene.
I look pained and uncertain. Pained, I was. It had been awhile for my yoga time. So the stretching was quite painful, as my ego told me I was still incredibly flexible. My muscles called BS on that fairly quickly. And screamed it the next day…
The uncertainty came in the form of why we were there in the first place.
Kim was a Pilates instructor, yes, but not a yoga instructor. She had never ever trained me in yoga. And I was actually quite proficient in my yoga training from doing it full on for several years. I knew what to do, I just hadn’t in awhile.
And yes, my back really really hurt. But of course, I had to make it look good. I do like to over achieve from time to time.
But when you have been out of the game for awhile, easing in is the recipe for the day.
On a reality set, you do not have that luxury. You do it when the camera rolls.
So, there I was, 48 years old, my leg stretched up to the sky in a “Y” pose, reminiscent of my high school days as a very flexible cheerleader. Every inch of my legs screaming out for me to cease and desist this arrogant display of peacockery!
Hey, I was soon to be a daddy, and I was going to push through this wall of suffering, be able to pick up my baby boy, and be the dad he deserved.
All of this I could do. The smart choice would be to warm up to it. Have a plan of attack. Put together a regimen of daily exercise and see it through.
But for now, as the cameras rolled, the show must go on!
So we STREEEEEEEETCH!
And I cry a little…
