When fights start in a relationship, and they will, it’s usually due to a miscommunication.
It can be a little teeny tiny problem, or something that has been brewing awhile.
When tempers flare, and words fly, what you actually say matters.
There is a way to say things so that they don’t add fuel to the fire.
Try this…
When we fight, we are at our worst.
Intense emotion clouds judgement, and makes rational thought difficult.
When two people are both at the height of anger, any wrong word can cause the wheels to go flyin off!
There is a way to phrase things more delicately that might help.
When we fight, we tend to blame.
We say things like, “You do this!,” “You always do that!,” or “Why do you keep… whatever?!?”
These things sound very blamey and like you are attacking.
So, they will automatically become defensive and want to fight back.
Next time, instead of playing the blame game, SHARE.
Instead of escalating, slow down, take a breath, and state your case calmly.
Say, “When you do …, it makes me FEEL…”
This is not an attack.
This is a statement of fact.
And it is a doorway to actual connection, understanding, and exploration.
If you can de-escalate the situation, both of you can win.
Understanding trumps anger and builds relationship strength.
And sometimes, your partner has no idea how you actually feel, nor WHY you may have reacted in a certain way.
Same goes for them.
Share those feelings, rather than blast each other with blame bombs, and you will enjoy much more harmonious evenings.
Harmony means more snuggling.
And snuggling is good.
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